Friday, March 9, 2012

Childish Games Grown-Ups Play

Lately there have been a lot of blog posts written about how people have changed since they have become a parent, and how they shouldn't judge anyone.  I agree, but I think we need to go a step further.  I'm tired of the "one-upping" on how tired people are or how busy they are or how they are super mom and still have energy left over.  Seriously, it is becoming a problem amongst moms and I don't think anyone even realizes what it is that they are doing.

I have this friend who, since the day I had my first kid, has tried to one-up me on everything.  And to be honest, it is annoying.  I'm talking one-upping on things that you don't want to be the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) at.  You know who I'm talking about, I'm sure you have one or two or three or 500 of these friends too.  When I had one kid and I was tired because she was a baby and not sleeping and I had to go to work.  This friend said, "Wait until you have two, then I'll listen to your complaints."  Then I had two, my husband was traveling every week all week, I was taking care of an infant and a toddler by myself, I still had to go to work, and I was tired.  I wasn't allowed to complain then either.  "Just wait until you have three."  I always wanted to scream at her, "Just how many kids do I have to have before I can complain, 50?!"  Note:  I now have three and I have heard the "just wait until you have four."  For the record, I'm not finding out.

My point is, it is not up to you to judge a person on what puts them at their wits end.  Ok, well, you can silently think it, just don't let it actually come out of your mouth.  What did me in when I was right out of college and working makes me laugh at myself now.  What killed me as a mom with one kid makes me scoff at who I was then.  But you can do that to yourself, not to other people.  People are only as educated as their life experience.  If they have one kid and you have ten, you are more life experienced (and maybe a bit more stressed, but don't tell them that).  Don't belittle how they feel, commiserate with them.  Let them know that they are not alone, don't make them feel as if they are stupid for being stressed.  Oh, and for the love of all that is good and holy, don't try to one-up someone on a social network because it just makes you look as small and simple brained as you are being. - Don't you tell me you are tired, you only have 4 kids, I have 10. I can be tired, you can't.


  1. First of all, this:

    Second of all, YES.

    Third of all- Mom Pledge?

    1. Thanks! I have visited both of those links and found them both inspirational. I have also signed "The Mom Pledge" :)

  2. So glad to have you join our community! Thank you for taking The Mom Pledge!

  3. I think we are all just tied. One child, four children, heck 3 dogs and a cat will do you in without enough sleep. Happy Monday!

  4. Love when you say, "People are only as educated as their life experience." So true.

    I'm glad you wrote about this, as I'm finding that not only does there seem to be somewhat of a mom competition in the real world, but also in the mommy blogosphere. I don't get it. I mean every family is different, every situation is different. Shouldn't we as mothers be using this forum to support each other? Why must we judge each other?


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