Thursday, April 12, 2012

Ode to my Minivan

My perfectionism can be annoying.  It can cause me not to sleep if the kitchen is not clean.  It is not that way with everything.  I like to think of myself as having "selective perfectionism." I care if the dishes are clean, but not if the clothes are clean.  I care that everything is "picked up," but not that the floors are immaculate.  And then there is the car...well, minivan.

There are days when I wonder if my van will ever be clean again.  Currently my minivan looks as if there has been a Cheerios snowstorm inside of it that also hailed dry, old French fries.  When we open the doors, things fall out.  That usually leaves us chasing a rolling sippy cup through a parking lot.  It is not just the one-year old's fault either, although she is the one who caused the snowstorm and hail, it is also the older children's fault.  By older we are talking six and eight.  They are little trash hoarders.  The two of them sit in the back of the van and are in charge of keeping their area clean.  I have news for everyone, their area is not clean.  It is not even remotely clean.  I am not sure that a trash dumpster is not cleaner than the back seat of our van.  There are little pieces of paper stashed everywhere.  If you open up their cup holders, you will find sucker sticks with no suckers on the sticks because they ate them and conveniently forgot to throw away the sticks.  They get these at the drive through at the bank or when leaving the doctor's office (that is our home away from home; we should pay them rent we are there so much, but instead we just take their suckers and run hoping not to be back for at least a couple of days), and you can't tell the bank lady "no" when she offers suckers because that appears rude.  So I let them have them with the reminder that they have to throw away the sticks when we get home.  Of course they say they will and of course they end up in the cup holder along with broken crayons that are melted (I do not know how they smuggled crayons in the car in the first place).

The carpool line is really embarassing; especially since I have to go through two carpool lines. So the embarassment isn't over after the first stop, I get to experience it again two minutes later.  When the teachers put the kids in the car, I am silently praying that they will not notice the weather conditions in the van, which has been the snow and hail storm, nor the fact that my sweet, adorable children are really just a couple of trash hoarders.  Sometimes, if I am lucky, the one-year-old is screaming so loud by the time that I pull my car up to the teachers, they throw my kid in really fast and shut the door without noticing the disaray of my van.

I notice other vans that drive by me in the carpool line that have their doors already open awaiting their clean, non-trash-hoarding kids to jump in their van, and I wonder how they can keep their van so clean.  If I were to drive through the carpool line with my van doors open, I would be fined for litering because of all of the things that would fall or fly out of my car.  I am sure my van will be clean one day. One day when my kids are no longer at home and I am not sitting in carpool lines or waiting for children to finish one of their activities.  Until that sad day is upon me, I think I will keep my messy van (with the doors shut).

someecards.com - Did you see her van? I don't know how all those kids fit in there with all that trash!!!

8 comments:

  1. I feel your pain, girl! My van looks like it could have been the set for "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs." And as far as keeping their areas clean...well, my kids are failing miserably in that department as well. I was just thinking this morning that probably the only GOOD thing about having a minivan is that I can use the TV as a motivational tool...as in, "If you take off your pee-soaked pajamas and carry them to the washer YOURSELF, you'll get to watch a VIDEO on the way to school! Won't that be great!"

    Seriously...it seems to be the only plus-side. But hey, at least no one notices the occasional empty water bottle that I forget to put in the recycling bin, because it's buried under two feet worth of school papers that my son has unceremoniously dumped out of his backpack while searching for a lost crayon.

    Ahhh...well, someday I'll miss the messy van...at least that's what I keep telling myself anyway. That, and "It's not messy, it's 'lived-in.'" LOL But really, who am I kidding? I could rival a dumptruck any day.

    Glad to know I'm not alone! He hee!

    I thoroughly enjoyed this post! So funny! I'm following you via GFC now, as well as Facebook. Looking forward to reading more!

    Smiles,
    Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood

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    1. LOL....most things in my life seem to be able to be referred to as "lived-in." Thanks for stopping by and following!

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  2. I think my kids hide the food and everything in their backpacks and wait until I have vacuumed out my car then they dump out everything they have been storing immediately afterwards. The car does not stay clean period. I gave up long ago. :) Good luck with yours!

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    1. Oh, I know mine hoard things in their backpacks until they have enough to cover the car with it. Especially candy (which leaves the candy wrappers) and torn pieces of paper. I think that they find some sort of internal joy in doing so..... Good luck with yours as well!

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  3. This really made me smile, picturing trash just pouring out of your doors. When they get older, it is not much better, in addition to trash it is cleats, sports balls, electronic chargers, etc etc etc. Hang in there - I am pretty sure they won't arrest you for littering...just give you a warning. Came from finding the funny!

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    1. Oh, it does pour out. Yesterday at the pick up for my kids, a McD's sandwich wrapper flew out of my car, and the teacher had to chase it halfway across the playground..(sigh)..Thanks for stopping by and reading!

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  4. I can so relate! hilarious! Thanks for linking up to Findingthefunny! I'm pinning this.

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  5. I pretend I don't see the trash, but this doesn't seem to make it actually not exist. Still, I am not motivated to change my tactics. ;)

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