Monday, August 20, 2012

Who Needs Sleep, Tell Me What's That For?

Sleep, a word whose meaning escapes my children.  According to the dictionary, "sleep" means to be dormant and inactive.  Someone should give my children a vocabulary lesson because between the three of them, I get no sleep.  There is someone constantly coming into our room during the night with different "problems."  They need to get this synchronized so that at least we could get everyone taken care of all at one time instead of making this an all night long affair.  Oh, and when I say "we", I mean "me" because my husband is completely unaware of the drama being played out by his offspring as he snores his way through the complaints and the fake coughs in the wee hours of the morning as if they are competing for an Oscar (check here to see if your husband also suffers from HHS).

For the past decade, I have not had a complete night's sleep.  My kids never sleep, at least not on the same choreographed night.  Someone is always sick, and there is always an alarm going off when I finally get the opportunity to drift off to sleep.  This makes the day following one of those nights an awesome experience enhanced by a cup of coffee that seems to be super glued to the palm of my hand (you've seen the beer hats, I need a coffee one).  Anything that comes out of my mouth probably does not make complete sense and sounds as if I have been drinking; only I haven't had that luxury because someone has to take care of everyone and that someone would be me.

There have been days when I wanted to call in sick, because I was so tired, to see if someone else could play the role of "Mommy" for the day.  I picture it playing out like it does in the soap operas that I no longer have time to watch even if I did DVR them: there would be an announcer stating, "The role of 'Mommy' will be played today by blah blah blah."  I am sure my kids would freak out, inciting nightmares that would cause more sleepless nights and probably several therapy visits. 

Motherhood, you don't get paid for it, but it can be a beast of a job while being the best job. 

**Note to new first-time mothers: If your baby is sleeping through the night, wonderful (no sarcasm intended)!!!  Just know that when your child is mobile and not in a baby bed, she will not sleep through the night anymore, and will aimlessly wander around your house looking for ways to wake you up....make sure the knife and scissor drawers are locked, there is no standing water in your bathtub (on second thought, the toilets should be on lock down too), all household cleaners are out of reach (but, if you have a climber, just lock them up too...the cleaners, not your child), all outside doors are locked and pray that your child doesn't know how to unlock them and wander outside in the night while you lay peacefully sleeping (or just get a house alarm, that way you will know if anyone opens a door or a window).  Now, sleep well!  This is why I do not sleep, maybe I should seek therapy... - I will pretend to be asleep until Mommy goes to sleep. I will then cry so that she has to wake up. I will play this game all night long because I can...

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