Monday, December 17, 2012

Parent of a 1st Grader

There are many thoughts and feelings that I would like to put into words.  Words that seemed to have escaped me since this past Friday.  As so many people have said, I can't even remember last week before Friday.  It is a day burned into my brain and my heart forever.  I have spent the weekend like most Americans: watching the news.  Listening to the same stories over and over again because I cannot begin to fathom how this could have occurred; how someone could do something so evil.  

No event in my lifetime has ever had this big of an affect on me, and I live no where near Connecticut.  I share what most people in this country share who are extremely affected by this: I am a parent.  But it's more than that.  I am the parent of a 1st grader.  All of those children were my daughter's age.  Some of them a couple of weeks older than her, some of them a few months younger than her.  One of them even reminded me of her.

The scenarios that I have in my head are horrendous, and I cannot get rid of them.  I picture those kids doing what my daughter did Friday morning.  Bounding out of bed to go look for her elf to see where he was hiding.  Eating breakfast while chatting away a mile a minute about all she was going to do at school that day and how she couldn't wait to get home and play dolls with her sister.  Giving her daddy, me, and her sisters a hug and kiss before running inside the school building.  The difference is that my child came home Friday afternoon and played dolls with her sister.  I got to hug and squeeze her and tell her how much I love her.  Those other parents did not.  And I cannot help but dwell on the fact that next time it could be me and my children's school.  The most frightening part of that is that I have no control over it.  I would like to place armed guards at every entrance to every school, but that is not feasible.  I am not sure what the answer is or if there even is one.  Those parents will never be back to normal again, and I am not sure anyone who has children can be either.

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