Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What a Mom Wants and Does Not Want for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming.  The most useless of all of the Hallmark holidays.  I am not being unromantic or uncaring, but what is this day really for?  It's for the stores to make money off of poor uninspired (or incorrectly inspired) males.  I have been Googling "Valentine's Day gifts for her" just to see how misled the men in this country are, and I was right, it's bad.  This holiday is not a "one size fits all" gift giving day, no matter what the mass marketing efforts may lead you to believe.  Sure, it's great to feel as if someone cares about you, but hopefully you feel that every other day of the year too and don't need some outrageously expensive gift or misguided gift to make you feel that way.  If you do, you might want to head to the nearest psychiatrist's couch because you have some issues that a professional needs to sort out with you.  For the rest of us (and by us, I mean moms), let's explore what the marketing professionals think that we want and need for this wonderful day of hearts and cuddles:

  1. Chocolate.  They think we want chocolate?!  Ok, so we always want chocolate, but if they even knew us (or looked at our Pinterest boards), they would know that our New Year's resolution (which, might I remind you, was barely a month ago) was to get fit and lose weight.  Now they are trying to sabotage our efforts.  Thanks for not being supportive.
  2. Silk Robe.  Any of you ever try to hold a squirming baby or toddler while wearing a silk robe?  Let me clue you in: it is near impossible, they just slide right down.  Not to mention all of the spit up or grease stains from grubby hands that would be all over it.  Just something else we will have to clean.
  3. A Love Story.  One that rhymes.  No kidding, there is one called Me Without You and it rhymes just like Dr. Seuss.  So now you get to read tongue-twisters with your kids and during your alone time.  Sounds wonderful, I'm so excited.
  4. Roses.  My opinion on this is not going to be popular.  I think these are dumb.  I always have and I always will.  Why do you want to spend money on something that is going to die in a few days?  Buy an azalea bush, it will last years.
  5. Bath Salts.  Now, this is a nice idea, but with it there needs to be a written contract signed by the husband stating that he agrees to babysit the children in another area of the house where they cannot be heard in the master bathroom while mom takes a bath with the door locked for as long as she wants with no interruptions.  Otherwise, this too is a waste of money.
So that is what is being marketed to the poor unsuspecting male.  However, here is the list that they should be given:

  1. Dinner cooked by someone other than Mom.  Here's the catch: no one can ask Mom where anything is in the kitchen or how to cook anything and the kitchen must be cleaned up by someone other than Mom.
  2. House cleaned by someone other than Mom.  The entire house, floors, dusting, toilets, sinks, everything.  Nothing says love like a husband who knows how to use a toilet brush.
  3. A bath.  Alone with no kids knocking on the door or sticking their hands under the door trying to get your attention.  And no husband knocking on the door asking how much longer he has to keep the kids because they are getting a little hyper active and they won't listen to him.
  4. Homemade card from the kids.  Because this will make a mom's heart melt like no other thing can. 
  5. The remote control.  Because frankly, we are tired of ESPN and the Outdoor Channel.

1 comment:

Please let me know what you think!